Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
