ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
