It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
