do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
