I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
