just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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