omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
