i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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