Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If I die, sorry about rent.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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