she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
