i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
