we're chasing vodka with high fives
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
