He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
