It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
