was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
