I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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