You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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