I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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