Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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