this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
