I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
