Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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