i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
