Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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