My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
