even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
