I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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