nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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