I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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