I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
