Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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