Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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