This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
