when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
