in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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