And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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