so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize