Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
