dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
