Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
