shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
