There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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