You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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