Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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