So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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