If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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