It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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