last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
