I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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