some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
