WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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