Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
