You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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