Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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