Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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