At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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