No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
