you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
