uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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