i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize