He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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