Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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