My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Randomize
