his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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