Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
