i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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