she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
