Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So much Jack, so little girl.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize