pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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