That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
