butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
