His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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