did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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