Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
