you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
