Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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