Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize