Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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